Time to Stop Complaining

Are you one of those people that hates to hear someone complaining about the same thing every time you speak to them or see them? Do you dread their call as they are going to probably talk about it again? You've given them time and listened, you've given them support and sympathy, you've given them plenty of advice and ideas but you haven't seen them try many of them. They are stuck in a rut, you really want to help them get out but the only person that can help them is themselves. I am one of those people. Don't get me wrong, I think I am a good friend and will tolerate it, support, sympathise but I'm also a doer. This time however, it wasn't anyone else I was getting tired of listening to, it was myself. I'm sure a few close friends and especially my fiancé were as well!

Do something or stop complaining is my motto. You get a bit of a buffer to complain, I get it's therapeutic but then you must pull yourself out of it. Especially when you see these boundaries between yourself and your other inner voice friend being crossed as if they were a real friend.

It's funny, since I've been with my finace I suddenly find him repeating my own advice back to me. Did I really say that? It sounds pretty wise. One of the best things I've learnt from this is when you are down and even more when you feel alone - do what you would advise your best friend to do. So I did.

You will see from my previous post, I have been complaining a lot about work and the new structure/re-org as we call it. Everyone's tripping into each other, no clear accountabilities, you can't decide who should be at which meeting because so many roles have a slice of the pie, so you either end up having too many - inefficient, lots of opinions or too less - people feel left out and threatened. There are shadow roles, towers within towers, never ending matrices and it's very confusing. Ok, ok i'll stop!

I have been yo-yoing from letting things go and stepping back to see what happens or going for it, taking ownership and asking for forgiveness later. (You may well see these yo-yo attitude patterns in my blog posts week to week). Finally, my manager asked for my opinion in passing in my 1:1. I knew I should have been ready to answer given I had so many opinions on how bad it was. I stumbled and eventually asked for more time. I decided to hold myself accountable, stay in line my integrity and put my money where my mouth is. What would I really do if I was in her position to make this a better living (working) environment for all of us?

Although my ultimate aim was to take on as less work as possible and focus on my exit plan and this experiment, I felt like I owed this to myself to do something about it and to my manager to help her know where some of our thoughts were. The biggest help my own team had given me in the past was to tell me how it was even if it was hard to hear. Especially to get a sense of how people were feeling 'on the ground'.

So I challenged myself, having never done an organisational structure before, I put my thoughts on paper and drafted a proposal with what to me felt objective and with logic. I had all these thoughts going round before I clicked the send button - 'I feel like teachers pet - going over and above. My manager has a habit of forwarding your 1:1 emails to the whole team, what if that happens. What if I totally missed the point and don't really know what I'm talking about, what if people think I'm out for a promotion or promoting reduction in headcount'. My gremlins were having a field day. I waited a good 3 days to keep re-reading it before I finally sent it with 'CONFIDENTIAL' and caveats posted all over it.

Unfortunately, I don't have a happy ending to this story yet! Sorry! I have sent it and will be discussing it with her this coming week.

However, I feel so much lighter having taken the courage to put my thoughts on paper and contribute to the organisation with my view and experience of how they could make this a better working place, instead of continuing to shame it with no action.

I have also spent the long 3 day Presidents day weekend focussing on getting this experiment out there and arranging my next few Lifestyle Adventures! Can't wait!

Will update you as always as things go but in the meantime I urge you to think deep about what you could do to make things better for yourself and those around you that's within your control when things feel like they are not. Eg. are there employee forums you can join, can you or someone in your team be head of 'operation fun' at work etc. There is always something you can do, you have it in you.

UPDATE MARCH (1 month later):

My manager has added me to her 'circle of trust' in a small group to give feedback on her new organisation proposal. I feel privileged, she obviously appreciated my proactivity and some of my ideas.