EXIT PLAN: Activated (EEK!)

Today I declared openly that I will be walking away from a new position in my company and a significant salary to pursue my passions outside of the Corporate America world. I have never felt such a weight lifted off my shoulders and so liberated! It feels SO RIGHT.

Things are falling in place and I can't believe how lucky we have been. I am feeling grateful, overwhelmed, exhausted, scared, nervous and excited all at the same time. The Exit Plan is finally in motion so no looking back now - we're in for a ride!

I have been quiet as have been trying to manage multiple to do lists burning the candle at both ends. If anyone managed to read my secret hidden post a couple of weeks ago, there was an amazing curve ball but all is well and still on track! For those that didn't I will share the story one day once the dust has settled :)

I did want to make sure I shared how I am feeling right now on this journey for anyone going through this or about to, as it wouldn't be the same writing it in a few months time.

Not only am I attempting to change my career of 13 years and let go of a very comfortable salary but am also moving my life from the US back to England and asking my American fiancé to move his whole life with me for us to start a fresh new chapter. You will have seen from my older posts, my main motivator to move back to England was family, and of course my main motivator to leave my current job in Corporate America is to find work that I'm passionate about that serves a higher purpose.

It has not been easy to do this with me as a UK citizen and my fiancé as a US citizen. We had an Exit Plan A, B, C and D and I cannot believe we're in the process of executing A+. At one point we were ready to add 'wedding' to the exit action plan - that would have been over overwhelming.

From a career perspective - yes it feels unnerving to walk away when your once ideal job is starting you in the face and it could be yours. You have an audience encouraging you to go for it and telling you what a shame it would be to walk away as not many people get such an opportunity. Your ego even wants it, to stay comfortable and to stay safe and to show you can climb the ranks.

On the other hand, you have your heart - which has told you many times in the past that you need to follow it, that when the moment arises you need to cut loose as deep down this is not the type of work that fulfils you and not what you came here to do.

The signs could not be in any larger font for me. I am letting go of my ego and following my heart. I have trust that everything I've learnt and experienced has not gone to waste and will be a part of me forever to use as I need. I have trust that my next chapter will lead me down a path that is right for me. I have trust that the resources I have gathered will be put to good use for a higher purpose.

From a location perspective - this will be the 5th time I've moved country to country. I definitely see a pattern of increase in logistical nightmare each time I move.

1. UK -> Poland in my 20s - pure excitement and curiosity.

2. Poland -> Czech Republic - hardly remember, relatively easy. Although I did miss my flight out after partying all night! A good story for the books :)

3. Czech Republic -> UK - moving back home. Logistics ok, adjusting more difficult

4. UK -> US in my 30s - logistic and admin nightmare but worth it

5. US -> UK - extra difficult when you have to think of more than yourself and you don't have a job to go to :) but going to nail it.

For anyone who's moved before, you will get this. For anyone that hasn't moved before - don't let this put you off! Be prepared for it but it is a short payout for an incredibly awesome long lasting adventure.

So how am I really feeling? "[insert swear word of choice] scared!" and I'm sure my fiancé is too with the extent of the move. My gremlins have been making appearances one by one 'what if leaving my job is a big mistake, what if i can't get another one, what if this experiment doesn't help me find what I want to do, what if my fiancé doesn't like England, what if I get itchy feet once I'm home again, what if I can't get back to a decent income and so on...'

I started to regurgitate my quotes on fear last night - Courage is not the absence of fear but the presence of bravery, knowing there is something more important than fear and triumphing over it'- mix of Mandela, Roosevelt and others'

I have also learnt when scared, you have to check in with yourself. If you feel that nasty gut feeling that does not feel good then you are probably heading in the wrong direction. If it feels more like butterflies of excitement you're on the right track. Everything confirms to me this is the right track.

The other words of wisdom helping me get through this is 'you can't do everything at once'. Something I have to re-iterate to myself and mum helps remind me. Suddenly I have a lot to do to get sorted. I'm letting go of my morning gym sessions to work on this experiment and moving logistics with UK time zone (still keeping the meditation though!). My evening activities are minimal so I can work on clearing out our place and admin. I've been wanting to do all the lifestyle adventures I had on my list in the US before I leave but I won't be able to. Wedding planning is on the back burner and of course there are all the things I want to see and do in New York before leaving. PLUS this isn't all about me! My fiancé is lovingly moving his whole life to my home town and I want to make sure I support him.

Yes - it feels like a lot to handle! I don't know how people do this with kids on top.

In conclusion - the exit plan is in full execution, this is happening and there is no going back. DEEP BREATH - I can't do everything. I have to choose and priortise. I have got my self care tool box out to breathe, affirm, focus, commit and have the courage to plough through. The end feels worth fighting for.

Photo by Braden Hopkins on Unsplash