Letting Go of my Favourite Skirt

I decided to tidy out my wardrobe. I have to anyway for the move. My place in the UK has nowhere near the amount of closet space, I do not need all the clothes I have right now nor do many of them fit me anymore. I had been avoiding clearing out with the common excuse of ‘I’m going to lose weight, I’m going to be back to how I was, I’ll wear this next summer, I’ll wear this when I next go partying’. I realised I had been storing clothes from over 7 years ago when I was back in Prague, running half marathons and out every night. I hadn’t worn many of them for over 3 years. They were what I wore at the ‘prime of my 20s’ let’s say and I had not been ready to let go of them. As I took them out one by one, so many feelings flooded back to me - the dresses I wore in the office, how I felt when I wore them, the outfits I wore when I went out dancing every Friday and Saturday night with the smokey eye makeup which I also haven’t done in the last 3 years! It made me smile. I had such an awesome time. I had turned around a challenging situation at work over those years, I had lost weight without even realising just by running, dancing and always being late. I loved going out with my multi cultural groups of friends and I had made some of the most lasting friendships in my life. I didn’t realise till now how clothes were so sentimental and symbolic of feelings just like the smell of cut grass brings back the feelings of summer or like that favourite song you hear brings back the happy memories associated with it. I of course decided to try them all on just in case they still fit me. Of course they did not! I stopped running over 5 years ago, in fact I stopped all cardio exercises over 5 years ago when I found out i had torn and protruding disc issues in my back. Add on 2.5 years in America, a sweet tooth and a job in an office - of course they are not going to fit! I felt a little sad but I was ready to accept it and I was not going to let myself dive into a wallow of self pity and hatred towards my body. I was ready to accept that I am the body shape I am now, my lifestyle has changed by choice and it’s time to move on. Who knows what type of outfit my adventurous new passionate life will bring! I had put off clothes shopping for a couple of years, I just didn’t feel like it as I felt awful every time I tried things on that were no longer my size. Luckily I had got a bag of nice handoffs from my sister to last me through the last couple years (yes, more clothes). A few months ago I signed up to a brilliant online company in the US called ‘Stitch Fix’ - where you provide your sizes, preferences, select photos of which styles you like and get assigned a personal stylist. As often as you’d like the stylist will package up and send a very personalized beautifully wrapped package with 5 items for you to try on and decide if you want to keep them. No physical shopping involved! Whether there are real humans behind that not, i actually don’t care - it really does feel personal and makes you feel special. I started to replenish my wardrobe and have found new dresses and outfits that I love and feel comfortable with. Maybe I just needed that help, that small dare to try something on that I wouldn’t normally or that proof that there are still beautiful things out there that suit you and your body shape just as it is. Anyone know of a company like this in the UK!? I packed up 3 huge bags of the clothes that no longer fit including my favorite colorful skirt you see in the photo. I packed 1 bag of coats - my Abercrombie jacket and my favorite winter coat that I wore exploring my first days moving to Warsaw and Prague. I waved goodbye and donated them to a charity shop. It took seconds for them to take them off me and throw it into the massive pile they already had. Although the process of handing them off was hard, it felt good to let go and accept the current me. It’s time for a new chapter for me in many ways and those clothes will not define me nor will I let them take me down. I’m sure they will end up in the hands of someone who appreciates them. I still hold all those memories in my mind plus the photo now!

It's what I was doing when I wore them that is important to recognise, not the clothes themselves. Somewhere deep in my heart there’s my fun, creative, athletic, kick ass Prague self - it hasn’t gone. It’s just under many layers of protection and is waiting to be found again. As I hang around my job and in the US for the next few months before I can leave, I have seen all the signs that I need to practice patience and letting go.