I am Freeeee!

I've finally done it! After a long plan in the making I have finally left Corporate, my six figure salary, a career I'd built for 13 years, moved back home from the US to the UK with my fiance and am ready to start the next chapter. No looking back. I have zero regrets and have never felt so liberated, energised and excited about the world that's out there and the freedom I have to create my lifestyle.

I have been writing pieces of this blog since I was counting down before leaving but kept giving priority to moving admin, spending time with the people I will miss and of course leaving parties. I didn't want to forget how I was feeling at the different stages so have tried to capture those moments here.

The countdown to leaving was long at work. I had 5 months to get used to the idea (no 2 weeks American notice for me). It went from trying to stay really engaged, to just keeping things going, to letting go of things one by one and watching them float away into new hands and different minds.

My colleagues had mixed reactions. Some were in denial, some couldn't wait to 'forget' me off meeting invites, some flitted between taking the nice jobs and handing back the not so nice jobs, the rest was a lot of speculation as to who was going to be promoted into the next role. My close colleagues were extremely happy for me of course. This all happened in one of the most turbulent and changing times in my area of the organisation so it turned out I wasn't the only one that was leaving. This meant it was actually even easier to leave and let the new team work out how they wanted to move forward. I found some lunch buddies in the same position as me and their motivations and stories of what they were going to after leaving were inspiring, as well as slowly influencing me not to turn up to the office every day in the countdown. I know redundancies in some scenarios can be really hard on someone depending on their personal circumstances but I have always believed if you have a set of skills, they can almost always be transferred and the amount of opportunities out there are vast. You just have to look out for them and will always land on your feet if you follow the signs.

I will say that no matter how long you have been at a company, don't expect people to be dwelling over your departure. People move on quickly without you, nothing really does fall apart and if anything you will occasionally be the scape goat that gets blamed for things behind your back. You're never indispensable to a large company, it will just morph, new people will come in with fresh ideas and people will adjust. (I am surprised though that 2 weeks since leaving my standing desk still hasn't been snatched up!)

Getting used to the idea that you're no longer needed, especially for me was surprisingly easier in this role than it has been in some of my others, but I did notice the security blanket wanting to come out now and again when i got that deep sinking feeling 'they don't need or want me here anymore' as my colleagues got used to the idea too. (I mean this on a professional level).

There were kind offers of jobs given to me with the company back in London but I had to remind myself that this is not what is for me right now, I had to stop myself rising to the mind trick - 'you can do this, you're good at this, you need income, they want you, you should take it'. It was hard to turn people down having thoughts like 'what if I missed the opportunity, what if I did want to turn back to what I was doing, what if saying no ruined their thoughts of me...' - all the gremlin ideas! It was also hard to admit out loud to somebody from work that actually - I may not do what I have been doing for the last 13 years, I may take a break, I may change what I do, I may do something different. At first I was very cagey about this but the more I indicated it to people, the more I sensed respect for it and found many people having similar thoughts to leave and in fact envious of my position and plans. The tribe is out there!

The biggest thing I did want to leave with was gratitude and this was the key message I left in one of those standard goodbye leaving emails that often go to the deleted mailbox. I really am hugely grateful for what I learnt in my time at the company, the people I met, the experiences I've had and how it's shaped me, my skillset, my motivations and what I learnt about myself. This will never leave me and has been part of the journey I've been on.

Packing up on my own was tough and being apart from my fiance was also tough. He had left weeks earlier than me and was forced to set up home in my UK home town on his own with my family and a new job. We ploughed through, I had a hell of a lot of moving things to take care of, 3 leaving parties and rushed around so much I didn't allow time for everything to sink in. If I stopped it would have all got too overwhelming. I struggled saying bye to all the things my fiance and I had cherished together in the first town we had been together in and all the people and places that had helped me get through the most challenging times in my working life. I was exhausted by the time I got to the plane. (I should probably write a blog post on its own about moving countries and what goes into it). I had given my car, work laptop and apartment keys in the day I was flying, the day my town flooded and the day the flight didn't board till 2am! I was not in the most eventful JFK terminal and have no idea how I managed to spend over 7 hours there and stay awake.

I arrived home a bag short and it's now been 10 days since I've been home (bag recovered). This is the first day I have really allowed myself to do 'nothing' and forced myself to stop doing admin - moving admin, life admin, wedding admin and reflect upon what we've achieved. It was my dream to move back home to family, to marry my fiance and to find work I'm more passionate about that I can connect to. The doors are now WIDE open for me and it's time to dive in. Be careful what you wish for, with your intentions, heart and open mind, they do come true!

Time to write up and line up some more lifestyle adventures. I have nothing planned but to follow what my intuition tells me to do each day. No excuses now, join me for the ride :)